I only just saw this blog and I'm in the process of reading all of the posts.
I was wondering if I could be on the tagged list? Maybe? :)
Of course!! :) Just added you <3
Of course!! :) Just added you <3
From the common room, Logan looked up at the outraged yell from the senior Stuart and his brows crossed in confusion as he stood up. Next to him, Derek’s eyes huge eyes locked with scared sepia ones, and the athlete swore he could almost hear Julian’s heartbeats increase to racing speed.
“What’s that all about?” Logan muttered, and he dropped his books on the table, looking over his shoulder at his friends. “And what’s up with you?”
“Nothing,” Julian breathed, kicking Derek under the table, and standing up reluctantly. Swallowing, he gestured for Logan to move. “Let’s have a look, shall we.” He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them again, he saw Derek stare grimly at him. The actor followed Logan slowly, fervently hoping that it was some sick joke from one of the Windors.
It was a better option than any other alternative.
When the blond prefect had made his way through the gathered group of Stuarts, his best friends on his heels, he gasped seeing the macabre mess on the front steps.
“What the fuck is this?” he growled, green eyes flashing with fury as he stared at the blood and roses in disgust. “If it’s Houston, I’m going to maim him. It’s probably Houston—I’m going to kill him—this is not acceptable—”
But before he could storm off, Bailey reached out to him, grabbing his arm and holding him back.
“What?” Logan rounded on him, more annoyed than ever. First burning the tree and now this? Who did those Windsors think they were—?!
“There was a photo…” Bailey replied softly, his eyes shooting from Logan to Julian.
Logan frowned, confused now. “A photo?”
“Yeah—” Bailey barely dared to show him, but he raised his left hand—spotted red from the blood—and held up the photo.
Logan’s eyes widened and his heart stopped.
Behind him, Julian gagged and stumbled backwards, right into Derek’s arms, who held him firmly upwards.
“What’s…” Logan shook his head slowly, narrowing his eyes as he gazed at that horrible photo… the photo of… He turned around to stare at Julian in concern and fear.
“Jules…? What’s going on?”
Logan’s thoughts flew, his heart racing as Adam’s eyes just burned into his memory. There was no hiding that look of jealousy, of obsession. Logan had known a taste of that, but not that intense. Not as all-consuming as the look Adam had given him. Desperate just for a brush of Julian’s fingers…Hungry for a gaze or a glance that would see him.
Logan pulled Julian inside and they found Derek, obviously emerging from having been searching for the fire extinguisher.
“Adam had it,” Julian said, by means of explanation.
“Oh… He must have seen the fire first then,” Derek replied with a nod of understanding, panting a little from his panicked search.
“Adam. He’s- Jules-” Logan said, looking at Julian critically, “He didn’t look at you right…”
“He’s a fan. A lot of my fans treat me like that.” Julian said. Logan was right, of course. But… Adam was just a fan. Just not in the normal way… The way that Adam looked at him sometimes made him want to hide, to run, like prey.
Logan raised his eyebrows, “Really? They treat you like they own you? Like they have all the right in the world to have you to themselves? Cause it seemed like that’s what he thought.”
Derek looked back and forth between Julian and Logan. “Wait. I’m lost. Did I miss something?”
“He was angry,” Julian said, thinking, “He was angry that I’d cancelled hanging out with him to be with L-,” He blushed, realizing what he was saying. Logan caught his misstep.
“To be with me. Uh. Yeah. He’s not quite as good an actor as our Jules.” Logan said, placing a hand briefly on Julian’s back.
Julian felt he might actually just die smiling. Instead, he allowed himself a small smirk. Derek looked at him questioningly.
“So. Okay. He was jealous…” Derek started, trailing off in thought.
“And that fire… didn’t that look like more of a planned incident to anyone else?” Julian wondered aloud. Then it clicked.
“This wasn’t an accident. None of it was.”
Adam frowned, listening from the bushes outside the window of the Stuart common room. No, he couldn’t lose Julian over this. After all, Julian was his.
Adam smiled. Yes. Just the way he looked at Adam was a real indication. Logan was trying to steal him- seduce him- when Julian REALLY wanted Adam after all.
That would be settled soon. They would be happy- and soon. But he would need to place the blame on someone else for the time being…
"HOUSTON?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF ANTI-POSSESSION THING? IS THAT BLOOD?! AND ROSES??” screamed a senior Stuart across the way. The sticky red substance dripped down the stairs, a grotesque pool of shimmering crimson gathering…
“That tree outside, it’s on fire-“
“What?!” Julian cried out, no longer annoyed by his interruption as he stepped forward, a concerned look in his eyes.
“Yeah, who do you think did it?”
Before Julian or Logan could say something, an angry shouts cut through the air.
“YOU WINDSORS BETTER WATCH YOUR BACKS!”
Logan shut his eyes in frustration and stormed out of the room, Julian and Derek following quickly behind as they walked outside. All three were met by a large crowd of Stuarts, they started pushing their way through, their commands to quiet down or move were lost to the din of the Stuarts heated insults.
Outside one of the small oak trees were soaked in a quickly spreading flame, the now violent flames licking up the blackening bark as the crackling sound filled the air.
Ethan and Evan were standing a bit away, shocked and stunned expressions on their handsome features as Wes and David yelled back at the mob of furious Stuarts forming on the steps.
“ARE YOU INSANE?”
“WHY THE HELL WOULD WE LIGHT A TREE ON FIRE-“
Ethan and Evan’s gapes turned into irritated scowls.
“We’ve already done that,”
“You insult our imagination.”
More fighting ensued as insults were thrown back and forth across the lawn, neither of the angry parties noticing how quickly the fire was spreading, as if follow a path of lighter fuel because there was no way that fire could spread that quickly-
Logan stumbled out in front, the Stuarts standing on the edge of the steps immediately saw his blazing eyes as he yelled and fell silent.
“ALL OF YOU, GET BACK INSIDE.“
Julian and Derek had been separated; Derek searching for a fire extinguisher-that seemed to have disappeared-and Julian nearly falling off the steps, out of the edge of the crowd that slowly started to quiet.
No one noticed that the fire had spread to the small hedges lining the house, except Julian, who was immediately greeted by the heat as he fell towards it.
A strong hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back quickly, nearly flinging him back into the crowd. Adam held the fire extinguisher and he sprayed it on the small hedge before pointing the nozzle towards the small tree, the foam stifling the flames and silence descended upon them. The Stuarts now back in the house, only a few still standing in the doorway and Logan standing on the steps, halfway turned toward the small group of Windsors. A strange look in his eyes as he stared at Adam who still stood poised with the fire extinguisher.
“How the hell-weren’t you supposed to be back at Hanover?”
Julian asked, panting slightly, sweat broke out across his forehead from being exposed to the heat and
Adam blushed-he hadn’t thought that Julian would think of that, but he had underestimated him, Julian was always proving to be more brilliant that Adam thought.
Logan quickly walked up behind Julian, resting a hand on his arm, still staring at Adam who managed hide his frown as the blonde approached them. He couldn’t let Logan know how much he hated that he stole his time from Julian with him.
Not yet anyway.
“Don’t mind Jules, he’s always an ungrateful bastard.”
Julian sputtered as he looked up at Logan and Logan finally tore his gaze away from the dark haired boy to look down at Julian, glancing meaningfully from the actor back to the Hanover discreetly.
“He saved your fucking life just in time you idiot, say thank you.”
Julian-completely caught off guard-but understanding, rolled his eyes.
“Sorry about him, but seriously,” He grinned, after all acting came easy to him, didn’t it? “Thanks Adam, I’ll talk to you later, now get back to Hanover.”
Julian continued to grin, meaning to sound jokingly commanding but he caught the almost-what?-possessive look in Adam’s eyes before he nodded slightly. His face split into a soft smile and he subtly brushed his fingers against Julian’s before turning to leave.
Julian acted as though he had barely noticed, though he felt Logan tense slightly next to him.
“Talk to you later Jules.”
The moment Adam turned his back, Julian felt Logan’s grip on his arm tighten as he practically dragged him back into Stuart.
Julian, confused, tore his arm out of his grasp and turned to face him. About to speak until he noticed the angry but concerned look in Logan’s eyes.
“We’re going to have to save that talk from earlier for later Jules, we need to find Derek.”
Logan wanted to say yes. It would be so easy to say yes. To hold Julian in his arms whenever he wanted to. To know that this boy was his and no one else’s. To revel in the old feeling of being loved back. But whatever emotions he lost on his medication, he kept his memories clear and these memories were all screaming the same thing: NO.
Logan was a good singer and a good student, but Logan was not a good boyfriend. He had hurt Blaine more than emotionally, and Joshua had left the school to get away from his abuse. And Julian…Logan had hurt Julian enough when they weren’t dating – he could only imagine the scars he could leave on the actor if they were.
“Jules…You have no idea how much I want to say yes,” Logan whispered.
“So say yes,” Julian interrupted, tightening his grip on the prefect’s hand.
Logan rolled his eyes at the actor’s outburst. “And then what?”
“Then we try dating. Are you even listening to this conversation?” Julian put on his best snarky voice and narrowed his eyes.
Logan punched him in the arm lightly and laughed. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Well then, since I can’t pick up on your code, can you spell it out for me in plain fucking English?”
“God, you’re an ass,” Logan smirked, but his face quickly grew serious. “I’m afraid of what I’ll do, Julian.”
“What are you, a monster?”
“As charming as your sarcasm is –“
“Oh!” Julian was having too much fun. “I can call you the Beast!”
Logan ignored his instinctive reaction to note that Julian was certainly a beauty. Instead he pressed his point. “We’re not going to get anywhere with this if you don’t shut up.”
Julian pouted, rolled his eyes, and then sighed dramatically. It was almost too adorable and silly for Logan to keep a straight face. He missed seeing Julian this free and joyful, and let his mind wander to the possibility that he was the cause of this. Maybe, for once, Logan could make someone happy in a relationship instead of making them miserable. But considering his track record, this seemed too unlikely.
“I’m serious,” Logan insisted. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What am I? Five? If I’m willing to risk it, shouldn’t that be enough?”
Logan couldn’t tell if this was a good point or if he was willing to concede to anything if it meant kissing Julian again. “I – “
Suddenly, the door slammed open and Derek burst through it, wearing a panicked expression that was too convincing for comfort.
“Logan, we need you outside now,” he spat between rushed breaths.
Julian frowned and wondered if these constant interruptions were a sign.
Logan stood up and began to follow Derek outside. “What’s going on?”
"Uhh… Julian?" Adam hovered in the doorway, looking confused. The actor flushed and the blond prefect looked shocked, leaving Adam thinking he had interrupted something . A slightly pink Julian stood up and coughed lightly, tugging at his collar.
"Yes, Adam?" He gave Logan an apologetic look, and turned to Adam, who still had that confused look on his face.
"I… erm… you, um, said we were going to, um, get coffee? And you said to wait for you outside Stuart at-"
"Yes, I know what I said, Adam," Julian snapped, clearly very frustrated. "I actually said for you to WAIT for me OUTSIDE Stuart. At 4. It’s 3.50."
Adam bit his lip. “Uhh… Sorry.” The Hanover rubbed his neck, embarrassed at upsetting his new ‘friend’. Behind Julian, Adam saw Logan, who was looking almost as confused as him, but the prefect had a sort of smile playing on his lips rather than a furrowed brow.
"Look, Adam. I’m sort of in the middle of something right now. I’m going to have to cancel tonight…" Adam’s heart sunk. He’d been looking forward to this afternoon for ages; he’d spent hours planning what to wear, what to talk about, and now Julian was cancelling it. He bet it was all Logan’s fault. Stupid Logan.
"Well, will you text me? Or call me? Or-" Adam persisted, putting his foot into the room so that Julian couldn’t close the door. The actor frowned a little when he saw this, but seemed to ignore it.
"Yeah, I will, I promise." The actor was hurrying now, the words coming out in a rush. This clearly displeased the Hanover. However, before he could strike up more conversation, Julian closed the door and saying goodbye, leaving Adam standing outside the door, alone and plotting various painful methods of getting rid of that blonde prat who was stealing his precious Julian’s attention.
On the other side of the door, the brunet was sitting next to Logan again, closer than before and with his hands entwined with the prefect’s.
"Jules-" Logan began, but was cut off by Julian’s finger on his lips.
"Shh, Lo," The actor smiled to himself, thinking about how adorable Logan looked. "I don;t know where the hell you’ve got this… crazy idea. Yeah, you can be a bit up your own arse sometimes, but that’s one of the thousands of reasons I love you. Without that self-centered-ness, you wouldn’t be Logan, you ignorant squid." Logan frowned at the nickname. "Okay, so the past few relationships you’ve been in haven;t worked out - " The blond snorted. "But there was fault on both sides of the relationship, and you weren’t compatible. I don’t know whether we’d suit each other, or whether we’d last or whether we’d both end up hurt in the end, but I do know that I want to have a go. I want to try. So please, please tell me that you do too. I can’t honestly remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you, and I know that I’ve never been an option for you before, so you can’t possibly love me like I love you, but we can still try, right? So, Lo, can we maybe try?" Julian’s sepia eyes were filling with tears, and Logan closed his eyes and opened his mouth to reply.
Of course you can! Adding you right now :)
Logan shifted on the couch cushion. “You-you love me… but you don’t know why?” The blond looked down, suddenly very interested in his uniform pants. His brow creased in concentration as silence filled the room. After nearly a minute, the prefect spoke again. “I-I’m sorry, Julian.” Logan looked up to see Julian’s eyes widen and skin pale. He could see the wheels turning in the actor’s head. Fear, worry, and anxiety seemed to roll off the brunet in almost visible waves. “Whoa. Whatever you’re thinking, stop. Just stop and let me explain. I’m… I’m not sorry because I don’t like you. I did kiss you back just now, remember?”
Julian gaped at his friend. He had expected something more along the lines of ‘I’m sorry but I don’t like you that way.’ Or the even more dreaded ‘Let’s just be friends.’ To say this reply had taken the actor by surprise would be an understatement. “Wait. Y-you like me back?… What the hell are you sorry about then?!”
Logan took a moment to organize his thoughts into words. “I’m sorry because this,” the blond gestured between the two of them, “it can never happen, no matter how much I want it to… I’m not worth loving, Julian. I’m a self-centered asshole and I screw up every relationship I’m in. I’ve been kidding myself all these years, through Blaine, Joshua, and Kurt, thinking ‘Hey, maybe this time’ll be different. Maybe, just maybe, this time everything won’t come crashing down around me.’ What the hell have I been thinking? The other guy always comes out damaged on the other side. I damage people, Julian. That’s all I’m good for… and it’s time that I accept that.” Logan scooted closer to Julian, looking him straight in the eyes. “You… you deserve so much more than that. I don’t care that I’m being all sappy right now, because it’s true. You’re an amazing guy, Julian, and you deserve someone as equally amazing as you… and I’m anything but. I need you to see that. So I’m sorry because I can’t be that guy for you. I’m so, so sorry.”
Julian allowed a chuckle to escape the small smile appearing on his lips. Staring intently into the prefect’s eyes, he leaned forward, hands hesitantly hovering a few centimeters over the blond’s. “Logan-.”
He was interrupted by the sound of the common room door creaking open. Both boys darted apart, looking up to see someone standing in the doorway.
The Parts We Wish We Could Skip
Logan reached up to grab Julian’s face and pull him back towards him, and they kissed slowly for a moment, and then faster, as if making up for lost time.
Julian was the first to pull away, though he didn’t want to. He just knew that there was lots that needed to be said right now. He didn’t really want to say it; he just wished that Logan somehow knew. That by kissing he’d transferred everything over to Logan and now he just knew. Knew everything about Julian loving Logan since freshman year, and about finding out that he was bi because of Logan, and about helping Logan with other guys, and about leaving every time things got too hard.
Julian wished he could just skip that part. Fastforward through it and get to the good stuff.
If there even would be any good stuff.
“I love you,” he whispered, like it was a secret he was sharing with Logan under the slide on the playground.
Logan blinked. “You…” He trailed off and licked his lips, thinking. “You love me.”
“Yeah.” A small blush colored Julian’s lips, and he wished it would go away. This was why he wanted to fastforward through this conversation.
This was not the question Julian was expecting.
He considered getting all mushy and cute and listing the reasons, but he really didn’t know the reasons. So he went the truthful route and said, “I don’t know.”
(SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! AAWHGIOA;ERFJIOAEWHFA.)
"Rock the Gondola"
56 translations later…
Make of that what you will.